Monday, October 13, 2008
I have always wondered why is it so hard to let go of your pride, why is it so hard to let some things go for the greater good. What if you have spent all of your life letting things go? Then you need more than that. You just can’t take it anymore, you need to be understood. You need that the person that should love you unconditionally actually does so. You need that that person understands that there shouldn’t be a standard when it comes to showing how you feel. It hurts to realize that you will never fit those standards that, the person that should be by your side no matter what, can’t let them go. You realize then that it has been almost three months since you two last spoken. You realize that you haven’t seen that person online on messenger or Skype anymore. It hurts to feel you have been cut from someone’s life. Then you realize that all that will only change if you apologize, but you feel that you have nothing to apologize for. You can only be who you are and trying to fit in someone else’s expectations of you is downright stupid and fruitless. You realize that maybe things will never change, once you realize they have not evolved for the last 25 years. All that you went through is seen as irrelevant, your feelings about it all are simply ignored. You realize that you have spent your whole life trying to fit yourself in this completely different mold than who you really are. You realize that the person that should always be in your life can’t really accept the real you. What do you do? Do you move on and let it all go? Can you actually move on from it? What happens every time you see a movie that portraits a relationship similar to yours? You cry your heart out and wish things were different than they actually are. It has been three months and you can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Do you keep walking or do you just turn around and go home? Is it really pride holding you back or are those scars not completely healed?